guess wad!
for once i didnt hate econs!
but it only happen in my dream...
can vividly rmmber that the digit 6 was smirched red and a 15 was replaced!
15/15!
whheee!
and...that previous econs test, i got 36/40 instead!!!
wow!
and...when i woke up this morn, i have no recollection bout it, till when i was on the car on my way to tutoring..
hahaha...
cool dream eh!
but, guess wad, i still hate econs :P

sighx...wm fainted again*not today, or else i'll freak out:P*...high blood pressure?
somehow, i still believe in the myth tt my mum told me..
that kids can afford to eat, and eat and eat, cuz they wont die of stroke and illness related to that. blah.

then...after wm left, had to tutor lc, wb and yw...wah...jialat la...i cant handle them onezz...so i kindof played along w em =x
hahaha...then e bball...
din manage to meet up with chee hou...saw quite a number of sajc pple today. cant recognise any....lol....

wasted bout 6 whole hours at orchard just now...
walking....basically, just doing nothing much.
lol...
bout 2/3 of gp package to go...

hmm...
didnt agree bout the 3rd article, bout the deftn of poverty.
so wad if there is a great disparity in wealth.
hmm...
i believe that living in slum is a whole lot of fun too.
though food and water matters ll be a troubling topic that lingers around them eternally, just die la!
the archaic methods that our ancestors lived in, at most, it just meant death rite?
blah.
blah and blah.

wahahah...my sis really look like a tortoise now!!!
wahahaa....carrying my bro's krumpler*wadeva its spelling*...that tortoise bag tt yifang has...and alot of acjc has..
but it looks exceptionally tortoisy*no, i din make a spelling mistake :P* on my sis!
wahahha...

作词∶张思尔　作曲∶林俊杰　编曲∶屠颖

一九四三　世界大战　阿嬷年轻的时候
爷爷爱他那麽多　他们感情很深
但是爷爷　身负重任　就在离乡的那夜
给了阿嬷一个吻　轻声说道

＃我要离去　别再哭泣　不要伤心　请你相信我
　要等待　我的爱　陪你永不离开
　因为会有那麽一天　我们牵著手在草原听
　鸟儿歌唱的声音　听我说声　我爱你

夕阳西下　鸟儿回家　阿嬷躺在病床上
呼吸有一点散漫　眼神却很温柔
看著爷爷　湿透的眼　握著他粗糙的手
阿嬷泪水开始流　轻声说道

我爱你
Repeat ＃,＃

this song ultra nice :) sang by lin jun jie...
itis recorded in his previous album though...

hope this try work...after so many attempts which are all futile...how to make utf-8 a default encoding when pple come to my blog?? lol...who cares...

played bball just now!!
whheee!
but...not shiok enuf...must play with wt n meryl, where we can play a real real match, at least it'll be fair*though, we've got ht advtg over wt! wahahha :P* cuz we r e same age...
hahaha...and that hao lian ac soccer guy with his jersey with "national" printed on it.
heh...sb6 isit? 4got le...
i still wanna play tennis >.<

gp package test next weelk!
cleanly forgot bout it till i saw charlene with it..
lol

Dont worry about senility. when it hits you, you wont know it

hahaha...that is so cool and so true...ok...itis kindof depressing too....wont blabbler bout this, cuz i'll go non-stop.
and, to ans to ms ho's question bout when ll u consider is ur golden years. and will u wanna grow old.
hmm...actually, i want lo...hahaha....at least i need no get tortured by this jc life. this 7am to 4.30pm life.
and this life that does not allow me to doodle anymore. that does not allow me to get my that foto album done. that does not allow me to play tennis...
i wanna go back sc!!
where u have the code to the 2 huge baskets of tennis balls. and where i can play with that unanimated wall! hahaha...
yeah...just so great to whack that ball against the wall then it'll spring back to u, at a speed almost as fast almost as tricky as u whack it.
at least i can slice it as much i like...but can loop. loop not fun la, so nvm :)
i miss playing tennis!! >.<

somehow, ms ho's "artificial"ness and i-do-this-just-for-money seemed so obvious today...and, shez always like trying to make us reply her the ans she wants.
hmmmm...wadeva.
but, itis weird tt im not at all sleepy during tuition, but running back and forth on the path to dreamland during chem lect when his voice was blasting, and when my consciousness was shouting at me to keep awake...hahaha...lucky rach wasnt beside me! cuz she'll say "aiyo...clara...dont sleep!"
hahaha....

hmm...so i've seen another ac girl tt goes for tuition! :)
so...theres this track guy*isit?*, suhaila, that girl and i :)
wads his and her name? my name? lol..

came home from tuition. none of the three cats were there :(

btw! i cmae up with a new nick for mr j***** :P
relic elic eric!
lol...cool eh! :P
shall add to that chain if my creativity or my vocab permits.

gina's bdae today!
happy birthday!
also found out itis justin*sb2*'s bdae too!
newhatsoever*no such word:P*, happy bdae to both of them! :)

and...relic eric! rmmber bout that bet! im certain tt the honour is on u to treat me le! :P

must get work done today >.<
i must get freedom this weekend! lol...liberty is mine! =x

so...ive create a table.
hoping to gather opinions of pple...hope it'll work.
really wanna get sth outta that epson comp.
i dun care bout the prize or wadeva. just a recognition will do.
cant yan3 gao1 shou3 di1....lol.....wadeva:)
getting ready to leap into disappointment




[edit 10:53]ms ho said this too. interesting :)
do you say what u mean? or do u mean what you say?
but...hey! i dun really get it =x but, this type of playg arnd w words is cool la...
lollipopjm? lit analysis pls? :P

G

O

O

N

I

G

H

T

...

.....

.......

.........

...........

.........

.......

.....

...

LOL

not exactly :)

btw! lollipop!
hahaha...this is super outta pt...but, neway..
there was this trio who got into the same lift as me, hmmm...i suppose they are from china cuz they speak fluent mandarin*at least better than the UNCLE*, then there was this other guy who came into the lift...very funny onezz....he began speaking to the 3 kids...nono, the smallest kid spoke to him first. then they started talking.
the kid ultra adorable sia....then they were talking about the number 5, cuz that guy lives on the 5th floor, then the kid said tt he oso live at 5th *5th floor?wadeva* in maplewoods...
hahaha...maplewoods, sounds veri familar hor....
and that kid spoke rather fluent eng la!!!! he ll definitely fare better than me if he is to do a presentatin in both languages!! lol


dunno wad toking me.
heh.
gonna die for econs test le..
and gina's bdae tml...hahah...havent get her nething yet :D

ate durian non-stop throughout the half an hour of watching tv...then gulped down one whole bottled of water...
hahaha

scott is online!!
cool...
but, like got nothing to talk about...

wasted a whole 4 hours after finishing the pw thing...and i still think tt my portion of the report is screwed up :P

fantasia is vindictive sia!!!
seeking for revenge eh..
but sounds cool...
hahaha...or were u lying?
W la :P
hahaha...

hao2 cai3(direct translation: good colour)...
theres no such word in chinese la!!!
but, there is definitely a meaning for that in canto...
aiyo...ultra difficult to communicate leh...hahaha...diff lang, though both appears to be mainly eng...hahah...
nothing is done.
nothing will get done.

no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams no dreams...pls.... >.<

hmm...now i see my excessive hahaha-ing in msn...hahaha...
oops...but..itis just to fill space...and sometimes, i really do laugh la, or maybe, smile...lol
how sane is it for someone to be laughing to a computer....er...

on 33, on e way to konota.
was thinking and thinking.
sighx..
depressing sia...
hate konota.
hahaha...

then...when having dinner...i realised tt im beginning to speak like my dad.
trying to philosophise stuff, except that mine is obviously a not so well expressed one...hmm...was speaking sth bout durian. mentioned it b4...lol

corrections to yesterday's entry*no thanks to lollipop.*
appeared as: (mr, ja...., mr penguin, jm not involved eh?not sure...)
suppose to be: (mr ja...., mr penguin, jm not involved eh?not sure...)
or rather, it shld be: (mr, ja...., mr penguin, lollipop not involved eh?not sure...)

sis's birthday today...
hmm...
what m i suppose to say?

weird to recieve an sms saying thanx, sender:sis.
at least tis weird for me la...
blah

neway...finish my minor part of pw :)
er...one word, lousy(refering to wad ive written.) but, lousy pple write lousy stuff mahx...
hahaha...
stupid lollipop, u better not comment, or else i ask penguin to eat u up....lol

blah...awaiting doom on friday.
hate econs, as usual... :)

hmm...
just learnt how to create a pie chart..
hahaha..
i dun rmmber using excel at all! except for the ocip library thing, which has nothing to do with charts and stuff..
heh....
anyway..
somehow, i think tt some pple may think that pie chart isnt the best way to represent info. isit?
haha...cuz for me, the best way is to put it in pie chart when it involves a rather large number of subjects...
hahah...
blah
shall go slp le...
sighx...
double period of DK! cant fall aslp sia >.<
and...sorry sconers, hahaha...kindof ruined the fotos... :P

aiya...EC v long nv update blog le :(
lol...
hope to not have cca tml! then can come home do pw le :)

sighx....
just threw a post-it pad to my desk from this comp table. missed. not exactly though, hit the shelf up there, dropped onto my desk, then slide off my desk.
as for the stabilo cheap pen, threw it onto the table, laid parallel to the edge of the table for a moment, then rolled off to the ground.
no, the pen didnt fall beside the post-it.

aiya...forgot wad i wanna blog le..
felt somewhat happy bout sth...sth like i've accomplished sth.
but i 4got wad isit...
heh.

aNYway...IM NOT A LAUGHING MACHINE (mr, ja...., mr penguin, jm not involved eh?not sure...)

blah

yeah...was glad that theres no cca today..
and now..trying to do pw...and obviously...having much difficulties...
bleah...

msn going bonkers, signed out by itself...and now, jsut realised tt im having that "online" status...
hahaha...

had a dream...a neutral one...not haunting me :D
hmm....mum kindof got freaked out bout my dream where pple will die when they see their clones around...or maybe i jsut described it too vividly...hahah...
neway...itis supposedly somewhat, tiny weeny lil bit, similar to a movie tt my mum was watching, ttz y i brought up my dream...
yeah...that stupid dream...

lucky i nv dream tt i got into a fight, then out of fear of getting despise upon, being castigated by my parents...then leaping off a 24storey tall hdb flat, into *wheee...* failing my chi essay. heh. into outta pt-ness! gonna fail le >.<

wanna dream bout grandpa thou...

friday was a busy day. many of the clan members came to pay their respects to grandma. othman the mp came, too. qian han zong the ex-minister came together. it was quite a grand affair. we were just so busy rushing to and fro serving drinks and peanuts, setting up tables, kneeling beside the altar. j came and i had some rest chatting with him.

saturday was to be the last day of the wake. there was this unspoken agreement of sadness lingering around, knowing that the day after we will not see grandma anymore, except maybe in memories and pictures. after all of the hustling and bustling, we finally could get back to the serenity at night. grief is something that stirs and grows, and as time grows by it entrenches itself in your psyche, numbed and dulled, but forever there. so, while it blossoms, you try hard not to let it surface. and so you busy yourself.

it was the last night with grandma. the unspokent treaty on silence and mourning had come into full effect.

there was much leftover food, so us cousins gathered them up and left them in the kitchen. the adults were all tired and washed out, so they went to sleep. it was almost midnight, so after taking down all of the banners and blankets, we went to bathe and started warming up the food. we were all trying hard to be very obedient and nice, washing our mourning clothes to make sure that we wouldn't smell during the procession in the morning, and while they were washing their clothes, i washed the plates that we used to serve the guests earlier. lr, my cousin who'd just returned from the uk, said, [this is so nice, all of us so obedient, doing our last things for grandma. you guys washing the clothes, and wl over there washing the plates.]

there was a moment of silence, then ls, her sister, said, [yeah. this is the first time. we should continue being like this in the future.]

it takes a loss to bond the family even closer.

so we heated up the dishes, washed our clothes and started setting up the table. about eight or nine of us cousins sat under the stars, eating the food. one just can't help but start talking about the old days again.

this was the last night. tomorrow, grandma will no longer be someone physical.

i went up to grandma's room with ls to see if grandma came back. the chinese have a belief that on the seventh day, the spirit will return home to see her family members. in that dark, empty bedroom was grandpa sleeping, with first uncle sleeping on the floor. he used to sleep up on the third floor all alone, but ever since grandma left us, he came down to sleep with grandpa.

how lonely. poor grandpa, poor first uncle.

ls stood at the door while i walked around the room. i covered grandpa with a blanket and couldn't help but feel tears coming to my eyes again.

we went down, and started playing cards. at least something to keep us busy. in the end only four of us were left behind while the kids went to sleep. we came up with stupid punishments to force the loser to drink a cup of weird concoction. each of us was given a packet of cordial and before each game started we would just pour our cordial into this central cup. the end result was this weird-tasting drink that wasn't really pleasing to the eye. i mean, if you add soya bean drink, green tea, winter melon tea and chrysanthemum tea added together, throw in a few peanuts, i tell you, your appetite just vanishes into thin air. the colour is a horrible mix of grey, yellow and white!

time just passed so quickly. before we knew it, it was almost 0645. we started clearing up and went to sleep. only at about 0945 was i awoken. started washing up and helping out with the preparations for the procession.

i was busying when i just took a mere glance at the coffin. then tears started streaming down like water from a tap. grandma's sister just kept wailing at the coffin. poor lady. all of us cousins stood around the coffin, getting all tear-eyed. it was quite bad.

today onwards, grandma will be no more physical. how strong can memories get? memories are such strange things, you cannot control their coming and going. if you forget them, you forget them. it is something you have no control over.

and many years later when you suddenly recall, a distraught pang of loss hits you; time has forgotten you and the memory and there is a vaccuum in between you and the memory.

the rite began at about noon, when we all paid our last respects to grandma. a very emotional affair where many of us were sobbing uncontrollably.

dear grandma, i hope you're happy, wherever you are. i think you will be, the pain and the suffering has taken their toll upon you for too long.

grandpa, wobbly and shaken, came out to touch grandma's coffin. that was it. it tore down and destroyed our defences and denial, it gave us countless reasons to cry.

an unwilling parting, a lingering feeling.

after more chanting, we set grandma up the hearse.

parting is such great sorrow.

we walked behind the hearse, crying. a love, a bond, a relationship torn between two different worlds, not communicating.

it was liberating to cry. at least it takes the sadness out from you.

we knelt before the furnace in kwong ming shan as grandma's coffin lay await before the door. this was grandma's parting hour, where our love and longing for her would be entrusted to memories.

the coffin entered the furnace. we cried. my aunt fainted.

that was it.

grandma was gone.

truly gone.

what a week it'd been. i felt so tired from it all, emotionally, spiritually, physically. so tired.

back at grandma's house, we started doing the rite to see her across the nai4 he2 bridge, to ensure that she has a good afterlife. then, something miraculous happened.

after we'd finished the rite, first uncle went up to offer the first incense at grandma's altar. suddenly, the grandfather's clock, which was just right next to the altar, chimed.

we were all stunned.

on the day of grandma's passing, we'd shifted the grandfather's clock away and stopped it, because it wasn't very nice to have it chiming every quarter of the hour throughout the wake.

but chime it did.

and so, as the rest of the family, sons, daughters, cousins and grandchildren, had offered their incense and turned outwards to let a friend tear away all of the paper that covered all of the mirrors, reflective surfaces and images of deities, miracle number two occurred.

it poured buckets of rain out of a sudden, when during the week it hadn't even rained a single drop.

then the monk exclaimed, [wow, this is a good omen! it's a very, very good omen to have rain herald the end of any rite or ceremony!]

we all smiled.

had grandma returned to see us, bless us, to ensure us that she was doing fine? all of my aunts and uncles started debating about it excitedly. it was amazing. within those few minutes, the mood had turned from heavy and dark to a very light and excited one. it was really, truly wonderful. it was as if our family was celebrating something joyful, like a wedding. it was truly, truly amazing.

i guess, in a way, it really set our minds at ease that grandma was very happy in the afterlife. we shouldn't mourn anymore. these two miracles really did have a huge impact upon us. it brought relief, happiness, excitement and joy to all of us. what a fitting end to it all. gosh, all of you should've witnessed it. even my staunchly christian cousins, aunts and uncles were amazed and happy by the events.

amidst the wet, wet rain, my cousin, lw said, [it's so wonderful to see the whole family smile again.] her eyes were wet with tears of joy.

it was true. after a week of emotional ordeal, all of us wore smiles on our face.

we found strength and hope again. all of us started cleaning up grandma's house, washing, sweeping, mopping, cleaning. smiles were everywhere. we were all very cohesive.

the event really bonded us a lot. many barriers between persons were broken down.

i felt so relieved that it was over. at least now grandma's happy on her way. the period of grief and sadness was over. i just need some rest. good rest for my mind, heart, soul and body.

at night went out to watch collateral. just needed sometime off to myself, to recharge my body. while sitting in my friend's car, i saw the glitz of lights passing by.

the world still goes on, the sun still rises. and only we held the key to grandma's existence through our memories. we must remember her well.

reached home at about midnight, had great fun. zk surprised me greatly when he messaged me at about one am plus, saying that he was at my door now. i opened my door, lo hold and behold, he was there, holding a cake! it was his birthday that day, and i had told him i couldn't make it, because within a hundred days of grandma's passing i wasn't supposed to be celebrating. so, deep in the night, he had rushed down from this hotel room he'd booked for friends to gather over the weekend, just to pass me a big slice of cake. whew! thanks, dude!

it was a huge piece of cheesecake, think it was about a quarter left. invited him in, had a chat, while webcamming with j. haha. zk hung around till it was about two plus and left.

slept late, and woke up at about six today to head towards kwong ming shan. we were supposed to gather at about seven plus to pick grandma's ashes.

i hopped onto fourth uncle's bmw 745li! i'm quite sure it's not his car, as he's a cab driver, so i guess it's someone in the company's. i just cannot stand it! argh! the car was an ultimate sinner! disgustingly spacious leg room, sleek interior, state-of-the-art technology on the dashbord, telling you the humidity, temperature, etc. even shows you a heat-sensitive map of objects at the car's rear when reversing! and the doors, if you don't close them well, as long as it's slightly ajar, the car will shut them tight for you! argh!!!

fourth uncle started talking about yesterday's mircales. he had come a long way. on the first day of grandma's passing, he was visibly shaken, and today, he was all relaxed and smiling. yesterday, when we tore down the paper covering the grandfather's clock, we were surprised, because the time it showed was 10:10. now, what we heard chiming earlier were five chimes. it just defied logic. okay, so even if the clock had somehow started functioning again, why didn't we hear it chime earlier? because when we stopped the clock on the first day, it was about six plus. and the clock was showing ten plus now. what happened to the four hours in between? why had the clock only chime when it was at ten o'clock?

fourth uncle said 10:10 meant shi quan shi mei, meaning totally perfect, in chinese. he said grandma said we did a good job for her wake and funeral, and everything was right as rain [haha] now.

i'm so glad the way thing turned out now.

at kwong ming shan we started picking up pieces of bones for grandma. i was half-expecting someone to cry, but amazingly no one did.

everything's fine now. it's great.

i miss grandma, and i do still feel sad, but i guess it's part of the package of memories.

it's not the journey that is hard, it's the farwell that tears me apart.

dear grandma, may you be happy.

we all miss you, and love you.

all sound so familar...
sighx...
nai he qiao..
the rituals
the clans
the food. *so many meals in a day, delicious though*
the clothes...mine had to wear the pin though..
the grand stuff
the blabbering
...
sighx....during my granpa's rituals...din rain...dun think it rained.
sth bad? relative to his's grandma's one la..
sighx..
hope grandpa is doing well.

din really read thru his entry...no time, so length somemore...
yeah..
but itis really "it takes a loss to bond the family even closer..."
how true.
how idiotically true.
to treasure sth to realise sth only when u have lost sth dear...
i dun exactly miss grandpa...
but...itis just like a paroxysm of sadness...a cauldron of emtions boiling.
heh.
end here.

dreamt of wei ye. wonders why...
setting was in year 2004, yesterday.
happened around my hse.
there was the fireworks :(
there was hps....blah blah...
sighx...annoying dreams >.<