someone, or isit some tcher who lead in the prayer somewhen this week, said that to forget is not just forget alone.
you must: forgive or overcome that obstacle, let the matter rest, and then could you forget and be peace with urself.
"2am...." isnt refering to the song, "only love" sang by trademark....
lol..
the lyrics goes...2am and the night is falling, sth sth sth....at the crossroads once again..
blah...and 2am cuz i wanna stay up to 2am to listen to ying yue re ji.
thats not the main point.
the main point of this blog is to allow me to rattle and ramble....
and pardon my bluntness about my comments/criticision on acjc. i need that to decide if i should go ahead with my appeal back to sajc.
btw....njc just called bout 10 minutes ago to tell me that my appeal failed!!itis like...what the hell....
made me over the moon for a split second, only to be informed that itis a total failure...
dots...
hence resulting in my nick, "�ו +�� dɑ�e�deё+ � idiot njc...darn tt darry darren or dar-sth..."
made an appointment with jeanette to go buy the acjc uniform at shaw towers there....but that doesn't mean that ive decided nt to appeal or whatsoever...
here i go! weee.....
btw..i just got informed , by meryl, that her appeal back to cjc is approved...
lol....
cjc is well loved by their first intake ya!!
mum just scolded me...
yeah..
scolded me again lo!!
i said tt i want to go back to sajc.
and she went on bout the environment in acjc.
about the pple in acjc speaks eng more refined more civilised compared to sajc.
it might be true, and i felt itis logical too.
but the feeling just is not there!
maybe, maybe, maybe acjc IS a better place. it has a higher potential of girls becoming tai-tai*as what is said by ms Ho*. and has a better network of friends where many many of them are born with parents with loads of money...
pap just came in to persude me not to go appeal for sajc.
i feel that i'm going to regret.
i will regret for being submissive and be fawn to them.
i did repel, i did voice my desire. but they just made me swallow those back into myself.
and you can imagine how lousy you will feel if you eat your own vomit. those vomit that look real gross. the vomit that look so shitty. and you MUST swallow it. it tastes bitter. it tastes sour. it taste awful.
:(
im still in a fix.
this "sunburnt" person msged me in irc.
this is the last part:
[tuRt|3] i bbl
[tuRt|3] cya
[SUnbUrNt] k
[SUnbUrNt] how was scgs? i dunno...i really feel like lashing out all the expletives onto him, victimising him. transforming the bitter vomit into insane words. really not in a good mood now. feel so suppressed. i'm really not having a good time at acjc.
or, perhaps, i'm enjoying drowning myself in that thought. maybe acjc isn't that bad.just, maybe.
and i think jeanette just pressed the wrong number and called my hp. dots....
anyway....
don't think i'm going for appeal tml. i shall be a fawning dog again....
whats the difference between oppress and suppress?
sighx...
anyway...yesterday...we had lectures lectures and more lectures.
had 400min *6h and 40 min* of lectures after school started at 7:50.
had to stay in school till 4.30.
during the pathetic two official breaks that we had, we can see pple studying.
itis really getting stressful for the second intake pple.
where we pratically have nothing to enjoy. no "real" orientation. no life.
njc cant be worse than acjc.
at least they had one day of early release rite?
at least their orientation is more fun and engaging than the 7 hour orientation that we had at acjc, which only started at bout 11am after a series of boring talks.
bleah...my pap just came in again, surveyed at what i'm doing. and warned me not to apply for sajc. actually, he threatened me not to.
why cant i have supportive parents?
maybe because im the youngest child, and they think that i cant make the right choice? or they enjoy manipulating the weakest so that they can doll, shape me, into whichever thing they want me to be? and that being carried out without any considerations of my rights....
i feel that my results is useless. it gained no recognition. i have yet to recieve any material award. neither do i remember getting any mental award. perhaps, my family practises punishing when one does badly, and nothing when one performs well.
went for tuition just now...with suhaila...mindy was there too. they are having a great time at sajc.
suhaila enjoys acjc, and she just doesnt want to return to jjc.
me? i prefer sajc.
ms ho....i dunno...she may be a good confidant and a good consellor to her many students. but i dare not speak to her, in fear that she'll inform my mum.
i really want to ask her for her opinion, if i should appeal back to sajc. or at least, get her to make me voice out my innermost desires and help me sort out my thoughts.
:(
i dunno....
and for tuition today, we did a brief outline of an essay. "education is the ticket to success in this era. To what extent is this true?"
what really befuddles me is when she asked for the defination of success.
success can be considered in many aspects. and different people has their own defination of success.
what is mine? the most immediate that popped out of me is to be an all-rounder.
to learn how to play piano/*violin will also do*, to learn different languages, and also be well-performed academically. it was not to earn money, not to lead a voluptuous life, nor to be engulfed in money and luxuries.
but that is definitely unattainable with the type of parents that i have presently.
if my parents really care for my welfare, they could have told me that they wouldn't let me return to sajc for the 2nd intake, so as to not allow me to fall in love for sajc. why did they allow me to be so sad?
neway...today. is just another boring day. nothing to look forward to.
perhaps, maybe tomorrow will be a better day. a day when we get our class posting. i really do hope that by getting our classes, i will feel attached to acjc, and reduce my regrets.
the 2nd intake pple are just drifting here and there. with no/little interaction with the 1st intake pple, and having to adapt to the eccentric tchers...
bleah....
had 8 periods of lectures today. which is 5 h and 20min of lectures. was in a daze today.
only remember drawing stuff on the lecture tables in LT2 during the last 2 double period lectures.
wrote the whole of the chunky sajc sch song on the table. still remember that i had difficulty memorising the sch song and i still cant memorise it perfectly. and i drew the word "saints" at almost everywhere, on both of the table, on my notez....
if you had heard how my mum prejected her voice to peirce through heart, you would have known. sarcasm really hurts. direct, harsh "advise" after the lengthy sarcasm aggravates it....
sighx...really feel like crying. tml will be the last day. the day of the most regrets.
i will not appeal back to sajc? i will not. i shall not.
but according to my parents, i must not.
i've been blogging for an hour, with many disruptions...
dunno....
i've met the objective of this blog. that is that i must not appeal back to sajc.
shall see how tml goes.
and the cca stuff....dunno wad to join. feeling too restrained, cca is too limited.
only if i've made it to njc.
only if.
maybe i should do what jeanette's mum said...
"be assertive"
but, im afraid that im assertive on the wrong thing.
many things to catch up in acjc. the physics, the chem. sajc and acjc taught different stuff during the forst 3 mths. really quite difficult for me to catch up, moreover, im not in the state to do the catching up.... :(
only if i appeal back to sajc, i wouldn't have these problems...
acjc is getting boring...
lectures and more lectures
and im still with the scgs pple...
with jeanette and jacqueline for most of the time...
physics chem econs maths
more physics and more chem*ponned it!*
made us stay back for the make up lectures...
the pple doing the photocopy job is really inefficient!!
in sajc, there is only one lady doing the job of photocopying notes for the whole sch, and notes are all ready before the lecture...
in acjc? you will have to demand before they supply....the only "incorrect" thing is that the market equilibirum price and quantity does not change....
anyway...got some of the chem econs notezz....
only had to "official" breaks during the course of the whole day which is suppose to end at about 4.30.
this pitiful number of breaks will result in a famished me in sajc. but this isn't the case in acjc....
don't know why....
maybe the food isn't as nice...
or maybe the food comes in larger portions and cheaper price that i've lost appetite for them....
anyway....acjc is really nothing much...
havent got any eye candy yet...
lol...cant derive much excitement frm seeing EC...
and my EC....
hmm.....cant really picture his face well now...
i think i'm forgeting how he looks....
hm....i can take 166 back to sa to refresh my memory ya!
but everyday, sa's sch is ending much earlier than ac!!
all the make-up lessons...
bleah....
today.....ponned the last lecture which was chemisty....
teaching the stiochemetry stuff....
i suppose all the sc girls ponned:)
and we escaped that freezing LT2!!!which is comparable to sa's LT3...
was about 4.15 by then....
went to meet meryl wt and fel at orchard mrt station....jac walked out of sch with me while jeanette was waiting at the grand stand for her mum..
hope jac got her appeal to go tjc....
met fel on the mrt!!
wahahha.....
she came onto the train at raffle place mrt station while i got onto it at city hall!
lol....
we went onto the same cabin!!
itis always so coincidental!!
lol...so cool ya?
yeap....met up with wt and meryl..
saw shujun who is still in hc's canoeing..
lol....she injured her hand sia....
anyway....we walked to far east to buy the rings.
picked the round brim rings 'cause wt prefered tt....
and suddenly, she questioned if the flat one is nicer...
and we*fel meryl n me* all prefered the flat one...
hahahhaha
let me try to recall our finger sizes...
me:11.5
fel:16.5
wt:17.5
meryl:19
was it sth like this?
got smo 13 and robs 16....
got ours engraved at the wisma's branch....
nice! :)
just that the spacing of the names are abit weird...
here are the letterings: "WT.FEL.MS.SMO.RH.RA.BN."
gosh....itis rather difficult to tell RA and RH apart...
they really look alike in the ring...
anyway..
had our dinner at kfc...
got cheated by the advert...
the shrooms meal looked so sumptuous! but, to our disappointment, the shrooms burger was so minute and it wasn't filling at all!
lol....
and they seem to have used the mash potato sauce for the shrooms sauce used in the burger...
anyway...
fel left earlier...and wt left with her fren, zhiyi, for a free movie, scooby doo, at marina...
lol....
left with me and meryl....
chatted abit at the orchard mrt station...
saw the sajc pple....they were the first intake, and meryl recognised them too....the stupid indian guy...
lol....really excites me to see sajc pple again....
really hope sajc isn't suppose to be at animosity with acjc....
if it is so, am i suppose to be against the many dg-ians? and meryl?
i dont want....dg lives forever!!
saw cleo working at the rather expensive restaurant thingy opp kfc....
lol..
she still look the same :)
okie...got to end here... :)
the short prayers in the morn of acjc isnt as inspiring as those in sajc...
why am i comparing?
anyway...the passion show uncut version is prohibited to those under age of 18.
that means that there is a censored version right?
i blabbering...
nitez...
my stay in acjc is permanent liaoz....
went for kayaking today...
xue sheng boarded the same cabin as me, but i just pretended not to see him....hahaha
i think he did that too!
lol....
how fake of me..
but i'd rather that "ginorance" than the awkwardness if i acknowledge his presence...
lol
anyway, i was in the cabin before him, and i was looking away from the door towards the greenery. when he walked in, he wld see me rite!
hahaha...nvm....we both ignore each other...
hahaha
kayak today....
quite fun...
either itis too many things to say, or isit i have nuthing to say. i just have nuthing to describe!!
lol..
briefing was done together with the whitley scouts*all doesnt wear specs! =x* and with some adult-looking pple....
the "practical" was done with jsut the sajc grp of pple and with 2 instructors called joshua and zhi hao*or sth like tt*<--he has nice legs...and he was the one who shrilled help during the demonstration..
hahah....
btw, hez 4 star! dun kid! lol...joshua is 3 star....
yeap yeao...
both of them v funny....
and joshua keep on using his "fisherman-hat" to scoop water to his head...and u can see the water squirting out fo the holes....
hahaha....
anyway....
capsize, manoeuvre*on the spot and er...not on the spot :\*, 1 pple emptying a kayak of water offshore and enabling the victim to climb into it...itis not as easy as u think!!!
but the bost difficlt has yet to come...
which is to empty a kayak of water on land in a midst of a downpour!!
lol....
so heavy!!!
lol...
and i had to carry 8 paddles!! v heavy sia!! and had to peservere thru the 200 m walk to the shed....
alot of sand alot of salt...
hmm...
thats all :)
for now, i can rmmber all the girls' name cuz we did a drill on the bus...
hahaha
ate ice cream too! :)
btw, tt place is v near a jetty where u wld take a boat to palau ubin:)
theres bus service number 2 and 29 :)
kies..
the girls' name:
wanwei, yi shan, jia xuan, li xian, gwendolyn, alison, mei jin, brenda, and me!:)
btw...i think mei jin is v whiny...lol...shez going rjc...all the others are staying in sajc...
lol...
jsut got home before my bro left....was bout 7+?
tml sch reopens... :) which marks the imminent surrender of the javascript and html stuff....
lol...
shld i be feeling tired rite now? cuz i onli slept 9 hours over 2 nites....
hmm...nope im not :)
hope i'll survive ac tml :)
3 doors down - here w/o u mp3
